My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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