you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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