you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
