He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
