I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
