If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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