a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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