i love accidental penises.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize