I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
