Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
