you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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