Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
