If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
