ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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