Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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