i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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