..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
