just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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