Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
