I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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