I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
