community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
