On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
