I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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