I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
