omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I love you.
Bad choice
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
