Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
