His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
