grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
