I should be sponsored by Trojan
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
