On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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