A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they're like a gay fantastic four
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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