nut hugger
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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