The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
