thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
