On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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