drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
