Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
