i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
