If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
be right there i have to get my cape
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
