what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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