now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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