she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is my gift to your gina
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
