I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
