i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
