I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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