Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
