im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
