Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize