You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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