dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The beer is more important than you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
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