I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize