Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
