Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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