i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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