So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
