Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
