it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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