why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
love makes seman taste better
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
