This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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