her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
