It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
