and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just puked most of my soul out..
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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