dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize