i just google imaged poop.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
